On Friday November 8th, 2013, police received word about an atrocious incident in a small state called North Nebrichigan. “I-I woke up a-and it was gone!” Cried Timmy Richardson, the victim of this tragic story, “Not a-a trace left of it!”
At 9:43 a.m., Timmy claimed that the mustache, which took him nearly 10 years to grow, had been stolen. He has asked to remain anonymous when it comes to detail, but told us his stolen love was a brown, fluffy, “handle bar” mustache that made him sneeze every 10 minutes. He said since he had been asleep the whole time, he was just as clueless as the police.
“I have proof that it was stolen!” Timmy had claimed after the police questioned him, “you see, when I woke up this morning the front door was open, and my house was no longer bright yellow, it was now an ugly green! I also heard screams of disgust as neighbors passed the rose garden in the front, and now everyone thinks I have the ugliest color house in the neighborhood!”
“This is getting out of hand. Why does my boss give me all the difficult, serious, and tragic cases?” One officer asked himself during the interview. No one could really believe the man at first, but then he led the officers to some real evidence, which caused “misunderstood” commotion.
Timmy said he had a computer in his office down in the basement that recorded security footage overnight, but even he was shocked by the results of the video. According to witnessing officers, Timmy Richardson shaves in his sleep, and paints his house.
“I’ve never seen something as serious as this, but I think we have a sleep shaver on our hands. What I don’t understand is why he would paint such an ugly color on his house in his sleep.” One officer remarked, “I understand he can sleep shave while painting a house, but since he’s already multitasking, shouldn’t he have gone to a late night paint shop and get himself a better color? Like maybe tan?”
Other officers noticed that multitasking in North Nebrichigan is illegal, and arrested Mr. Richardson immediately after footage was shown. Timmy tried to explain to them that it was all a misunderstanding, but evidence proves otherwise.
(We’ll keep you updated as the situation progresses :D)
Today's News (Read the Fine Print) 